Practicas de redacción 2015/2016. Peer writing.

Peer response for Mario Costa by Alejandro Maxi. Cano

Dear Mario, I think that your paragraph is quite good overall. In terms of structure, I could notice the topic sentence at the beggining, where you expressed your admiration for the player. Then you support your first statement by adding some supporting sentences explaining why you admire him(LOL not only a game, Enrique's career...). Finally, you sum everything up by pointing out the main reason of your admiration(creating a team on his own, leader...) with the concluding sentence. In terms of development, you used the explanation method mainly and you didn't do weird mixtures, so I find this part well written. I think it would be a good idea to add some more adjectives refering to him, but overall I don't think that this text needs much editing.
Writing:

Since I started playing"league of legends" (LOL), I have always admired "xPeke", Enrique Cedeño Martínez. This admirable player is the unique spanish person in the world championship of LOL, which mooves a huge amount of money. People may think this is just a game, but now, this game, considered an electronic esport (eSports), is the most played in the world. Enrique started playing online poker, despite his succeed in this world, he started playing LOL and became the most important player in Spain. The charismatic player makes this game an art, and I admire him because he has created a wole team on his own, what makes him the leader of a full competitive team, very well-known around the world.